Things Kids Say

So, we  all know kids are weird, right. And funny. Who knows what is going on in their heads half the time. For sure a lot of what comes out their mouths is right out of left field.

The funny things kids say can have me and my besties laughing our socks off when we compare notes. Here are a few of my fond momeries of the things Princess Cupcake has came away with in the past.

 

AGE 5

On the weather

It’s been raining a lot lately. The Princess Cupcake looks out the window on the way to school and says, “I think the stars are crying.”

On marriage

Me: What was snack today?
PC: Pirates Booty.
Me: Who brought it?
PC: Drew-drew. I am going to marry Drew.
Me: You are?
PC: Yep.
Me: Does he know you’re going to marry him?
PC: Yep.
Me: How does he feel about that? Is he happy that he is going to marry you?
PC: (Shrugs) Who cares.

On comfort

Me: Babe, it’s cold outside. You need a coat.
PC: No I don’t. I’m warmer than a hot egg.

On love

Me: Who did you play with today?
PC: Loden.
Me: Awww. We love Loden.
PC: No, Loden loves me. He always hugs me and I’m like, oh no. Not this again.

On mom

PC: As soon as I get dressed can we go over?
Me: As soon as I put on my make-up.
PC: So you don’t look like a heart attack?

On energy

Me: Kid, you’re wearing me out.
PC: I know! I’m a fast wearer-outer!

On travel (and age)

PC: Are there castles in China?
Me: Um, I’m not sure. Maybe. But there are castles in Scotland where Daddy wants us to go on vacation next summer.
PC: WHOA. Is there a queen?
Me: There is in England. We’ll go there too.
PC: How old is she?
Me: Old.
PC: Like 17?

On technology

PC: Daddy, what are you doing on your “count-ma-later?” (calculator)

AGE 4

On botony

PC: Maybe we can lay chocolate chips on the ground to grow a cookie tree!

On memory

PC: I never flied a kite before.
Me: You don’t remember flying a kite with Daddy?
PC: I don’t have it in my head anymore.

On technology

PC: Mommy, can we make a mermaid tail that I can wear in the tub?
Me: I am not sure how to do that…
PC: Can you just ask the lady in your phone? (Siri)

On grooming

Me: How about you wipe off the peanut butter off your face before we go.
PC: I can’t see it so I’m good.

On branding

PC: (While looking at the Apple logo) This apple has a crunch out of it.

On etiquette

PC: Why do I keep forgetting to say “please?”
Me: I dunno. It’s a problem.
PC: I know, sometimes my head just isn’t thinking very hard.

On forgetfulness

Me: (Seeing a yawn in the rearview mirror) Are you tired babe? It’s your nap time.
PC: No. I just forgot to yawn this morning.

PC: Mommy, I already know that. I have a whole bunch of stuff stuck in my head. (taps head) There’s all kinds of words in here.

On food

PC: (While “writing” me a note) Dear Mom. This isn’t working out for me. I’m not going to eat the chicken nugget. I’m sorry. I love you. Hugs and Kisses. Cupcake.”

PC: I do not like carrots. I’m not eating carrots.
Me: You liked carrots when you were 2. Why don’t you like carrots now?
PC: Oh yeah. They’re still in my tummy but they are old now.

On unicorns (and rainbows and Jesus)

PC: Mom, did you know that unicorns live at the end of the colors in the rainbow? Jesus told me that. Right Jesus? Right! Jesus said, “right.” (A few seconds later)

PC: I get stronger as I grow. I already know that. I already have that in my head. Jesus told me that. Right Jesus? He says, “right.”

On money and cars

Me: Hey, look at the pink on that car. (While pointing at a black custom Camaro with pink trim) Do you like it?
PC: No, I want a pink one like in your picture when I grow up. Can I have a pink one when I grow up?
Me: I’ll have to make a lot more money if you’re going to get a new Camaro.
PC: Okay, but don’t spend it all because I really like dimes.

 

PC: Mommy, let’s see if my wish came true.
Me: What wish was that?
PC: Remember when we were at the mall and the fountain with my friends and I threw pennies and dimes in the fountain?
Me: Yes… (remembering what I jokingly told her to wish for)
PC: I wished for a lot of money. Let’s go check your wallet.

On potty-time

PC (while sitting on the potty for a long time): Mommy, my tummy is angry.

On giving gifts

PC: Mom, what are we going to give Miss Bianca for her birthday? How about we wrap something in the house that we don’t want and give it to her as a present?
Me: (Laughing – I swear we don’t do that. We do have a gift closet though…) How about we give her cupcakes.
PC: I like where your head is at.

On style and taste

PC: Mom. Red shoes and ketchup go with everything.

On cake

PC: Mom, I didn’t cough on the cake so I won’t have coffee cake

AGE 3

On Jesus (and candy)

PC: Mom, Easter isn’t just about candy.
Me: You’re right. What is it about?
PC: Jesus and he died and he saved us.
Me: That’s right. Jesus died on the cross to save our sins.
PC: And save candy.

On candy  (and pink)

PC: Mom. Candy and gum rhyme.
Me: No. They don’t.
PC: But they both start with “pink.”

On giving fair warning

PC: Mommy, I have to tell you something. I am feeling whiny today.

On being sad

PC: Little drips come out of my eyes when I am sad.

On allergies

PC: Mom, I think I am allergic to juice.
Me: No, you’re not allergic to juice. Why do you think you’re allergic to juice?
PC: I only like orange juice.
(Later)
PC: Some of my friends are allergic. What am I allergic to?
Me: Nothing.
PC: Awwww.

On lums (you’ll never guess)

PC: Look, I got some lums. (Holding my bra over her chest)
Me: “Lums?” That’s what you call them?
PC: Yes.
Me: Where did you learn that?
PC: At the privacy store… that’s where I get boobies.
Me: You get what — where?
PC: At the privacy store. I get these at the boobie store.

On manners

Me: You aren’t using your manners very well. You need to use your manners today.
PC: But they’re asleep.
Me: What’s asleep?
PC: My manners…

On messiness

PC: (After seeing Chintz’s, her first Elf on a Shelf  jewelry mess on the bathroom counter) That’s a lot of goodness gracious! Daddy, daddy, come see what Chintz did… He made a MESS!

On hunger

PC: I’m really hungry. (We were in JoAnn)
Me: What are you hungry for? Can you wait until we get home?
PC: No! I’m really hungry NOW.
Me: Well, what are you hungry for?
PC: We could go to the Starbucks driveway…

On boogers

PC: Mommy, I had a boogie and it was on my finger and I got a tissue and put it in the potty.
Me: That’s great! I am so proud of you! (Much better than chasing me around the house with it for ME to put on a tissue and put in the potty.)
PC: Mom. You are always proud of me.

On mom

PC: Mom, you look weird!
Me: I look weird? Why do I look weird?
PC: You look weird without your make-up.

PC: Mom, what are those worms on your forehead? (Pointing to my wrinkles)

On helping

Me: Thanks Sweet Pea, for helping me make all our goodies last night. You were a really good helper.
PC: Thanks Mom. That’s all the help I’ve got.

On Hooters

PC: Look Mom! That’s where me and Daddy went! (pointing at Hooters)
Me: Okay… So did you like it?
PC: Yes, but they didn’t have milk.

On movies

PC: Mom, I want the 300 Tears movie.
Me: The 300 tears? I don’t think I know that one. Where did you see it?
PC: On the commercial. On the pink and blue smashed together. The 300 tears movie.
Me: Pink and blue? Your Barbie movie?
PC: YES! On the commercial. The 300 hundred tears!
Me: Do you mean the Three Musketeers movie?
PC: YES, that one.

On being a princess

PC: (Sneaking into my room past bedtime) Mommy can I tell you something?
Me: Sure, what’s that?
PC: (With shy head tilt) I’d like to be a princess one day.
Me: That sounds like a great idea.
PC: I’d like to turn into a princess and daddy turn into a king and you turn into a princess like me tomorrow. Ok?

On fish

PC: Why don’t fishes have eyelashes?
Me: Ummm, I don’t know. That’s a good question. (Insert lame explanation about eyelashes helping to keep dirt out of our eyes)
PC: They need goggles.

On grooming

Me: Do you want to make a Happy Birthday video for Loden?
PC: Yes! I just have to put my make-up on real fast.

On naptime

Me: Are you going to take a nap before the party today?
PC: Ummmm, not exactly.

On the craft store

PC: “Mom. Where are we going?”
Me: “The craft store.”
PC: “Mom. What are we making today?”
Me: Silence as my heart melted… and then, “I don’t know yet.” (About 1 mile later…)
PC: “Mom. Where are we going?”
Me: “The craft store.”
PC: “Ooohhhh. I LOVE that place.”

Goodnight Princess

Sound asleep in her bed, I kissed her on the cheek and clear as day (still asleep) she says, “Whaat-ever…”

AGE 2

On frisbees

Upon receiving a frisbee as a birthday party favor, “Mom, look at my new CRISPY”

On wands

PC: “I need to get my blonde.” Translation – Blonde = Princess WAND.

On dawn

Me: “How long have you been awake baby?”
PC: “The sun came up, then my eyes came up.”

On dragons

PC crying incoherently, I can decipher, “DRAGON” as she is wildly pointing to her toys.
Me: “Dragon? You saw a Dragon? Where?”
PC: “Over dare. On da wall.” Darn it, the secret was out and she had witnessed the gecco that has eluded us in the house for weeks.

On cars

PC: “Cars go fast, they need a band-aid.”

On sore tummies

PC: “My tummy hurts.” (While placing hand on head) “I need a fever.”

If you made it all the way to the bottom, here is a bonus momery, courtesy of one of Cupcake’s friends: 

Friend’s Mom: Be nice to me. Mommy’s had a really hard day.
Festie: Is it because people didn’t like your shirt?