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Pistol Pete is no friend of mine

“Go SLOW mama. I no like fast. I like GO SLOW.”

It has been Princess Cupcake’s new mantra since September.

At first, it was charmingly cute. Adorable even. I laughed.

Now – not so much.

I can be driving a mere 30 in a 40 mph zone and she will yell, “SLOW DOWN MOM!!!”

Seriously. I behave like a cop’s on my tail when I am with her. I obey the traffic laws. I don’t drive over the speed limit. Well, okay I might do up to 5 – but not more. And yet, she continues to shout,

“I NO LIKE GO FAST!”

One time we were stopped at a traffic light and I sarcastically asked her if I was going slow enough now? And she said, “No! I like go SLOW!”

Sigh.

Then one day came this:

“Cars go fast, they need a band-aid.”

Okay, well. I can see her perspective, but we have never been in an accident for this to be a serious concern. I explained that only when people drive carelessly do the cars need band-aids but Mommy drives VERY carefully. And yet she still throws this one down on frequent occasion.

Months prior to this whole “slow down phase” we tried to have her watch Cars (The Movie) but she said it was “too scary” and kept leaving the room. Now whenever she sees Lightning McQueen she says, “That a scary movie.” We learned our lesson, it’s certainly not like we have The Fast and the Furious on for her to see or anything.

Ah, but she has asked to see Mickey Mouse Road Rally – a LOT.

Which I really hadn’t paid very close attention to, because – you know — it’s the Mouse. He’s sorta like the go-to babysitter that you can rely on. You know, the one you can trust not to warp your kid’s brain and she’ll be in one piece when you get home. The play doh might be dried out, but hey, there are worse things.

Yeah well, thanks to about 3 years of laundry to fold, I caught the whole jist of the show one day. If you’ve not had the pleasure, it’s the classic Aesop fable of the tortoise and the hare – except Pistol Pete is the hare. And he finds himself in all sorts of predicaments by – wait for it – GOING TOO FAST. Yes, he drives straight into a sand dune, he nearly drowns himself in the river until Toodles saves him, among other stupidity by riding his bike recklessly and with exceeding – you got it — speed, aka going too fast.

And so now my child who has learned the lesson from the modern twist on the famous tale and tortures me by bellowing out “SLOW DOWN MOM” every few blocks on the way to school and home each day.

Yes, I’ve tried pointing out the other cars who are passing us with ease. I’ve tried the full out denial: “I AM driving SLOW Sweet Pea!” I’ve even resorted to driving slower.

It’s not working. So I’ve got nothing left but to try and convince Mickey to align himself with associates who are more capable of making sound judgments. I’m cool with Minnie, whiny Donald, Pluto and Goofy (someone explain to me please why Goofy can talk and Pluto can’t though…), Daisy and all the rest, but Pistol Pete has got to go!

This may be a tall order, considering Pistol Pete is Disney’s longest running character, but according to Wikipedia, is also listed as Mickey’s archenemy. Ah, so there’s my angle with the Mouse! I’d use this negotiation strategy as the excuse to personally take her to Disneyworld and take it to task with the Mouse himself, except can you imagine the torture, not to mention waste of money, of being so close to all those fabulous rides with a less than 3 year old who “no likes go fast?” I may as well throw in the towel as Princess Cupcake just peered over my shoulder when I looked up Pete’s image to use for this post — and leaned in to give the screen a big sloppy kiss.

I can only hope this continues until she is 16.

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