“Right this way, My Lady”

“Thank you, My Lady”

“May I get you anything, My Lady?”

Let me tell you girls, if you’re ever having one of those days where you think you’re one fast food wrapper abandoned on the counter away from a complete meltdown only rivaled by a scene from the exorcist, take my advice. Go online, order yourself a ticket to Medieval Times and find your happy palace.

Chivalry is alive and well within those walls. Everywhere you turn, there’s a friendly “wench” at your beck and call, and the Knights… Oh… the Knights. If you’re lucky enough, they’ll offer you a flower moments before they slay their rightful enemy. And while the magnificent horses mend your bruised and unappreciated sense of Mom-ness, their beauty and grace will have a calming effect on your tortured soul.

I’ve lived in the Dallas area for more than 15 years and I’ve always been curious as to what happens inside that moated castle oddly perched between office buildings on I-35.

Armed with four tickets and their companion “Royal Upgrades,” me and the Princess Cupcake were set to “Get Medieval” with her Prince and the prince’s Mommy. (I guess that would make for Queens night out with the kids?)

I’ll admit to being concerned that the Princess would not find this whole production quite as enchanting as her well-dressed mini-knight companion would. After all, she is afraid during every Disney Princess movie.  In fact, we rarely watch them for fear of the evil queen. Despite my concerns that she’d be a) scared, b) bored, c) asking where the princesses were, none of the above occurred.

Alright, yes. For a few unsettled minutes at the beginning – she began crying, she didn’t like the music. In her defense, that’s probably the first time she’s ever heard that type of Celtic compostion as we are not so castle-y at home.

But the terror passed, a princess emerged and the Cupcake found the horses in their dressage truly enchanting, as did I. It certainly did not hurt matters any when one of the handsome Knights rode up on his noble steed and offered HER a flower. Not me. Her.

“MOM! That Knight is SO nice! Medieval Times

If you’ve never been, you are in for a treat. Guests are ushered into the coliseum and seated within your Knight’s county – ours was Perelada  (aka, Get Me out of the Houselada)– and your job is to cheer him on throughout the many acts of bravery that occur throughout the dinner.

Oh yes, the dinner.

First off, there are no utensils. Not a problem for our 3 year old epicurians who still prefer to use their fingers anyway.  However not surprisingly, the “Dragon’s Blood” soup was a wee bit of a turn-off for both the “tapioca for lunch only” Prince and his “I want Lunchables” Princess. If soup – gasp – wasn’t frightening enough, the near half of a bird that they presented to the Cupcake to gnaw on was.  I swear it was too heavy for her to even pick up – that is if she mustered the nerve to try. I thought for sure she’d go for the giant-sized fries and cinnamon twist. But alas, she had no complaints and stuck to the garlic focaccia bread for her 11th Century sustenance.

Personally, I found the soup to be quite tasty, although difficult to consume sipping from a bowl (remember, no spoons) with a preschooler on my lap. And she wasn’t just on my lap, she was bouncing and waving her flag madly in the air and whipping her ponytailed AND giant ribboned hair back and forth in my face. The risks we take for our royal subjects.

All-in-all the ginormous food served by our “wench”-sometimes actress in the show was generous in amount and quite good. The take-home box was not nearly big enough to hold our left-over feast. Thank goodness they shunned authenticity and didn’t hand me a burlap bag to stuff it all in when we were leaving. That would really make the car smell.

Upon exiting, another kind wench offered us a bag to hold everything – and I mean everything. We walked away with comemorative programs, DVD’s, fancy cool cups, flags, crowns, and oh yes, I bought the photo. I had to have the photo:

Medieval Times

While I’m pretty certain the storyline was completely lost on the Princess Cupcake, the heraldry and sword fights kept her locked in to the bitter end. She’d never seen a falcon perform tricks, let alone witness such glorious animals galloping by – I swear they were nearly close enough to touch. 

I’d highly recommend not waiting 15 years to get your joust on at Medieval Times. Since we had been bestowed the Royal Upgrades, we didn’t have to jockey for seating (it’s a little like flying Southwest if you know what I mean) and it magically granted us first row placement in the arena, although I dare say there’s probably not a bad seat in the house. They encourage you to come early – and as skeptical as I was to do so, there’s lots to look at as well as shopping opportunities galore. You can even don traditional medieval costumes and pose for photos. If you bring little ones, be sure to spend time at the beginning and end to visit those four-legged beauties in their stalls located on the perimeter of the main hall. And don’t rush out at the end. The actors* themselves do a meet and greet at the conclusion of every show.

Program note: *Knights are much larger in person than they appear on stage.

Princess wanted to thank her handsome Knight who bestowed upon her the pink (how did he KNOW she loved pink?) flower to which she clenched in one hand the duration of the show (and the ride home), but when it came right down to it:  All that costume and all that Knight were just a little too much — for the both of them. Neither Prince or Princess would pose with our county hero for one last picture.

No matter, My Lady and her Princess returned to our own castle where this queen has been inspired to gallantly fend off the counter clutter for yet another 11 Centuries.

Extra special thanks to Medieval Times for the invitation to attend their fabulous production. The tickets and Royal Upgrade were graciously provided by them and I wholeheartedly enjoyed this special treat. All views are my own.

Check out our Medieval Times photos!

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